"The first thing we do, let's kill all the
lawyers gophers"
1
I like agaves - they are pretty, they come in many shapes and sizes, and they usually do fairly well in the desert. I'm not picky - agave-like plants are also welcome!
I do not like gophers. However, gophers do like agaves and agave like plants. This winter was especially horrendous. Since my words when i was doing this clean up were not very "family-friendly" (but did involve the letter F a lot), I had to resort to Shakespearean insults for the gophers for this blog post.
We start in the back garden, on the hillside. There were 2 Agave 'Green Goblets" there. Now, thanks to the
crusty batch of nature2 there are zero:
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that does not look good |
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This one is ok? |
Thy sin’s not accidental, but a trade3
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looks, they are deceiving |
Thou art unfit for any place but hell.4
Not content with just 2, i noticed that my Agave 'Crazy Horse' was looking sad. A tug on the leaf core produced:
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You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! 5 |
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Bloody, bawdy villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain! 6 |
This next one really, really hurt. I have (had) a giant furcraea in the front garden. Here it was a few weeks ago:
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easily 7-8 feet across |
But then...
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Thou hateful wither’d hag! 7 |
The
three-inch fool8 dug a tunnel into the heart of the plant:
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You are as a candle, the better burnt out. 9 |
It gets worse... I'm seeing bad signs for my favorite agave:
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Whoreson caterpillars, bacon-fed knaves! 10 |
I haven't had the heart to go pull on it... maybe next weekend. I don't know if it was a combination of our snow and gophers, or just extra hungry gophers, but this was a horrible winter. I think any new replacements will be getting gopher cages/collars.
That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?11
I do desire that we may be better strangers. 12
0. King John, Act 4, Scene 3
1. Henry VI Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2
2. The History of Triolus and Cressida, Act 5, Scene 1
3. Measure for Measure, Act 3, Scene 1
4. Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2
5. Henry IV Part 2, Act 2, Scene 1
6. Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2
7. Richard III Act 1, Scene 3
8. The Taming of the Shrew, Act 4, Scene 1
9. Henry IV Part 2, Act 1, Scene 2
10. Henry IV, Part 1, Act 2, Scene 2
11 Henry IV Part 2, Act 2, Scene 3
12. As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 2